Guys guide to Turkish girls: from an exchange student prospective

After almost a month of being in Turkey, one finds that learning about the country that we will be living in for an extended time is more than just learning the language, the curse words, the dolmuş routes, or what are the best places to go in Taksim; it’s the women. One of my mentors once told me that as an exchange student I had no chance at all at dating a Turkish girl.  If you know me, that translated into a challenge rather than an obstacle. From the shy demeanors that they sometimes exhibit to the loving, mothering nature that they offer to the sometimes violent nature I have experienced, the women here are truly complex creatures.  More often than not they travel in a pack which doesn’t make it much easier for me to speak with them. Luckily, I have found a way around this. The fastest way to meet Turkish girls is through their stomachs. From offering to buy them tea to offering them chocolate in a boring lecture class, it is a sure way to make new friends as well as develop intrigue about who you are. *note make sure that you don’t try to give chocolate to girls that have boyfriends, brothers, fathers, or guy friends that might be angered by this gesture of friendship. It might not bode well for you in the future. You have been warned!

                On to dating, it is different here than I expected. Back in the States, when I liked a girl, I would ask her to go to dinner (better yet to let me cook her dinner), a concert, or go dancing with me. I date girls in order to find out more about them besides how much work they have or what new movie they watched. I do it to establish a more personal connection with them. I use it as a litmus test to find out if I really do want to have a serious relationship. Here, it is the common belief that you would only really date someone if you intended to marry them. I don’t know about you, but I am not ready to get married just yet.  After that initial meeting and maybe a joke for good measure, I have found that too often we try to mimic the Turkish culture and fail horribly. The thing that I am referring to is the kiss. Here in Turkey, guys kiss guys on the cheeks as well as girls kissing girls. I have also seen guys kissing girls, but it is important to know when to do this. From what I have gathered, a kiss on the cheek is more of something that is done when people haven’t seen each other in a while. If you are going to attempt it, decide on a side to start on with it and stick to it. There is nothing worse than fumbling a kiss and it being weird or awkward for a significant time afterwards. Another important note is who to kiss and when. Here is a helpful list of people to not kiss: professors, teaching assistants, ISS cleaning staff, cafeteria workers, guys you meet for the first time, girls in the hallways, and the Koç bees. In fact, don’t kiss anyone on the cheeks unless they are doing it first. There might not be such a thing as personal space here, but there is such a thing as common sense.

                While I personally haven’t been fighting the girls off of me, I have heard of some exchange students who have. Being selective in which Turkish girls you hang out with and date can be hard, but I have found a pretty good system to do it. I find that it is better to date the girls that don’t wear Ugg boots when it is +23 C outside. You might call me a loser or you might agree with me, but if you are sweating, it doesn’t matter how comfortable they are it is not snowing and therefore you should take them off. I personally have found that the girls, at Koç at least, fit in to roughly two  categories; the ones that wear boots and the ones that wear Converse. While I have never seen such a popular shoe in all of my travels, I can’t say that I am surprised. Fashion is important as well as what seems to be some sort of hierarchy. I really can’t comment on this subject too much, but I can say that you will probably get in to less trouble with a girl who kicks your butt in Converse rather than boots. But, alas, this is a strictly a very broad generalization.  

I have heard of a couple of places to go on first dates here in Sariyer that are both reasonable for the guys pocket book and classy enough to take a date to. I find that a common thread between them all is their location along the Bosphorus and the view that they have. Even if you don’t have a car, you can get find that public transportation is readily available and can take you to any destination along the Bosphorus. When you are ready to step up your game, I suggest you check out some places further into the city, but be ready to pay the price because they are significantly more expensive than other places you might find. If you ever get to the second date, make sure you check out the Aşk Café. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed. If you decide to go the international food route, you better be willing to pay for it! While some places would run you 60TL others might top out at over 100TL, so make sure you do your homework otherwise you will be rolling up your sleeves.

The last piece of advice that I have received when pursuing Turkish girls is, “good luck”. This advice was given to me and now I pass it on to you. Good luck!

Until next time,
You are what you eat and I am looking for a fine catch

JD

Fitting in is hard to do...

Walking down the street in front of Sultanamet (the Blue Mosque)  and Hagia Sophia, we made our way through waves of tourists and historic monuments literally sandwiched together.. Even if the Turks aren’t devout Muslims, I have to give them credit for being respectful. They turn their music down and stop speaking at deafening levels. They answer the call in their own way, even if it is 5 times a day. I think I am used to it now.

What I am not used to is the stares that I am getting. Growing up, I have always been worried about fitting in and being accepted. Trying my hardest to fit in with what everyone did and thought. As I grew into my own person in college, I stopped trying to conform and develop my own style and personality. Here in Turkey, the people desperately try to stand out by dying their hair or by getting piercings or tattoos.  They change their clothes, they have the best things, and they even speak several different languages. Even with all of this, they are still one people. They still are Turks. As a visitor to this beautiful and lively country, I worry that I stand out too much. When I walk down the street, people stare. They don’t stare in a bad way, just in a curious, just can’t look away stare. It is a stare of a person who is curious about who you are and why you are there. It was odd at first and it made me feel uncomfortable; the girls and women looking at me and shying away when I saw them doing it, guys staring at me and pulling on my dreadlocks to make sure they were real (some of them reached right out and pulled them as I was passing them in the streets, while some people waited behind me for a prized dreadlock to find its way into their had so they could roll it with their fingers), and the people who tried to candidly take pictures of me and even with me when I was at the mall or in a Mosque thinking that I was some sort of superstar. Meh, I used to want to be famous, but now I am just content with being different.

There is hope though! Speaking with the local people here in Turkish makes them smile. Whether on the Dolmuş (a mini bus that takes us to and from our little campus into the Neighborıng town of Sarıyer) or in the Mısır Çarşısı (The ancient spice bazaar) the sheer volume of tourists that visit this country can make hearing Turkish hard, even in the heart of Istanbul. Speaking with my awesome mentors Yasimin (Bos Bos, the head mentor), Dörukhan (Captain D, her best friend), and Tuçhe (Cork  Screw, one of the only women in Mechanical Engineering and a new member of team crazy hair because of her amazing curly hair (Jana, you would love her)) has done wonders for my ability to speak and understand Turkish. After 7 days, I can already order food and Çay ( Bir ne çay isteyorem, lütfen), I can apologize profusely (üsgünüm),  I can barter  , I can ask for a student discount (Oğrenci faiyat lütfen), I can curse profusely (look them up yourselves… lol), I can say that I love you (seni seviyurom), I can count to 100, and I can even pronounce my mentors names correctly (Major Bonus Points). Too bad it will be even longer before I stop confusing Shena with Elena… I’ll get there soon enough.

I start classes today so wish me luck!

 

Until next time,
You are what you eat, and I am savoring every bit of it!