Everyday, I see my friends they ask me how my semester was and then they ask me where I went. After I tell them Turkey, they all were thankful that I returned from the 'Middle East' safely. -forehead slap- It has gotten so tiresome correcting my family and friends as well as pointing to where Turkey is in relation to the Middle East and not actually part of it. But I digress... My answer to the former question fluctuates between "the most incredible experience of my life" and "the worst part of it was having to come back." When I say this, I immediatly have to recoil with their second question that almost certainly comes after I say that. "Tell me about it," (mind you that even television or cliff notes can't summarize four months of events in 5 minutes.) I tell them, sorry friend, I need more than just seeing you in passing to tell you about the new foods that I ate, the new language that I learned, the people that I met, the trips that I took, the adventures that I had, the places that I lived, the culture that I learned, the history that I experienced, and the sheer joy that I had through it all; and that isn't even talking about the classes that I took. (btw the classes that I took were harder than the Rice classes, because believe it or not, most of the classes that I took were masters courses and my professors were actually harder on the international students than the local students. Thanks Redford)
I made friends who were students, I made friends who were graduate students, and I even made friends of peoples family members. Being introduced to people's family like Candan's father, to Sema's mom, and to Ekim's family was as important to me as meeting the president of the US because of the fact that they went out of their way to arrange a meeting with the person they respect the most. I would also add that my outgoing personality helped me meet a great deal of people and my brave new world mentality helped me to always look forward to the new and changing things in my life. I still have to say that Yasımın and Dorukhan were the best mentors and my best friends. From chocolate parties to entering keyif by smoking nargile on top of Sariyer, they showed me so much of their lives. It was not enough for me to just have the new experiences but to cherish them, because, sadly, they would not last forever no matter how much I wanted them to.
The fast paced nature of American society made the week that I have been here fly by and what once might have been 2 days in Turkey seems like so much shorter here. Everything there moved in its own time. I aptly named it Türk Saat, but it had its own variations from person to person (Sema Saat) as well as in traveling to get somewhere as well. The time that it took to get something done was not based solely on schedules and machines. It was based on people and their relation with other people. Things happened when they happened and they happened in their own time. It might have been a bit slower than I wanted them to happen, but waiting made them that much more appealing.
Finishing my last final and going out for a good bye drink with my friend Canan, was a real heart jerker because it was one of those evenings where you are forced to remember. I will always hold that night dear. Even working until the last day, packing my entire life up in a few short hours, and having to battle a snow storm to leave was an experience. Having my first snowball fight as I was leaving campus for the last time and even overcoming vertigo for a breathtaking view of Istanbul that night as it covered in snow during the freak blizzard when I climbed the Galata tower. All of these experences were defined by their location within the finite.
I did not get the opportunity to live with a host family in country, but people took me in and introduced me to their families. I had conversations with mothers, fathers, siblings, and friends of my friends. This is something, that I am sure of, most of the other exchange students didn't even think about. It was all thanks to the language. Unfortunately, I didn't know Turkish before I left for Turkey, but I studied hard, I asked my friends to teach me, I asked for extra practice, and I went out and I used the new found language that I learned. Sadly, very few people that I meet now either speak Turkish or know that I speak Turkish now. What once was something I was proud of (a yabanci speaking Turkish) seems to have degraded into what I dare say is almost a useless skill here. Here, I do not have to speak to the dolmuş driver in Turkish to tell him where I want to go, I do not have to speak to the vendors in the Pazar in Turkish to buy fruits and vegetables for dinner (if there were any Pazars here...), I do not have to converse with my friends who don't speak English confidently enough or are tired from speaking a foreign language in Turkish, or speak with the cleaning staff sharing my life and quelling their curiosity of me in Turkish. I miss it. It seems like a part of me has died.
I find myself coping with this by being in the kitchen daily, like I was in S-dorm. Luckily, I had friends like Sema, Fatoş, and Melody to help me eat it. I have been home for exactly one week and the number of Turkish dishes that I have made is more than 10. It's my own little way to grieve I guess or a better word would be to cope. Either way, mom doesn't seem to mind and I am still losing weight, so it can't be all too bad.
I guess the hardest thing about returning to the US is that there is nothing for me here. I have finished with my degrees, I have quit both my jobs, I am not going to school, my friends are all taking classes and I have very little money. I guess the prospects of having a job in Turkey and making a life for me was more of a dream compared to the dim reality of what I would find when I returned. Everyone's got to have hope I guess. Also, the closeness is gone. The physical contact with other people just seems so foreign to people living here. Random people guys+girls giving you hugs or kissing you on the cheek; the lack of personal space, and the genuine interest in how you are are not here. It feels a little backwards here after learning to like it in country.
Either way, I believe that mom has said it best and conveyed my feelings in words when she said, "Four months isn't long enough; it's only good for a taste. You needed to stay longer, but sadly it wasn't meant to be." How true she is.
You are what you eat,
and I am remembering every last bit
Thanks for reading!
JMMD
